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I have been treating you 
like the bandage
when you might actually
be the wound.

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“My dear, I don’t know what to do today, help me decide. Should I cut...

“My dear, I don’t know what to do today, help me decide. Should I cut myself open and pour my heart on these pages? Or should I sit here and do nothing, nobody’s asking anything of me afterall. Should I jump off the cliff that has my heart beating so and develop my wings on the way down? Or should…

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queen-wolf:

 
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I can’t believe I re-blogged this post  exactly one week before my car accident.  I can’t believe I’ve realized it now, I was just scrolling through my tumblr profile when I should have been studying for finals.
 And you know what? that’s exactly what happened..except I didn’t see the car, and I didn’t realize how much I didn’t want to die along with being so worried for the other people in that other car. All of us being sent to the hospital, such fragile lives involved. Suicide is so romanticized these days.  When my air bag deflated all I was trying to do was catch my breathe. Why? Because I didn’t want to die. As much as I hated my life, in that moment I realized how much I needed to live, who was I kidding I wanted nothing to do with death.  I’ve hated a lot of my life growing up, I’ve hated myself and the people around me for a while now and I can’t help but realize that had I convinced myself that I could just off myself in an instant if the proper time came. That accident has traumatized me in ways that will take years to heal, but it happened for a reason.
I just want to live whatever way I can. I just want to fucking live life feeling the beauty around me and sometimes even the pain… 
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